Oct 10, 2007 · The Importance of Self-Esteem

Self-esteem reflects our deepest vision of our competence and worth. Sometimes this vision is our most closely guarded secret, even from ourselves, as when we try to compensate for our deficiencies with what I call pseudo-self-esteem – a pretense at a self-confidence and self-respect we do not actually feel. Nothing is more common than the effort to protect self-esteem not with consciousness but with unconsciousness – with denial and evasion – which only results in a further deterioration of self-esteem. Indeed a good deal of the behavior we call “neurotic” can be best understood as a misguided effort to protect self-esteem by means which in fact are undermining.

Self-esteem is the result of experiences that help a child feel capable, effective, and accepted.
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By way of preamble let me say that one of the most depressing aspects of so many discussions of self-esteem today is the absence of any reference to the importance of thinking or respect for reality. Too often, consciousness or rationality are not judged to be relevant, since they are not raised as considerations. The notion seems to be that any positive feeling about the self, however arrived at and regardless of its grounds, equals “self-esteem.”

What Is Self Esteem & Why Is It Important? - EruptingMind

Self-esteem develops over time. And if it's low, it can be raised. Here are things parents can do:
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Evidence for this observation is the defensiveness with which insecure people may respond when their errors are pointed out. Or the extraordinary feats of avoidance and self-deception people can exhibit with regard to gross acts of unconsciousness and irresponsibility. Or the foolish and pathetic ways people sometimes try to prop up their egos by the wealth or prestige of their spouse, the make of their automobile, or the fame of their dress designer, or by the exclusiveness of their golf club.

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"When I was two years old, my brother was born. My parents were so happy to have a little boy in the family. I decided that they had him because I was not enough for them. I was furious, revolted and became 'the problem child' of the family. One thing led to another and my self-esteem continually deteriorated from that point onward. Of course, I resented men. Through the work I did with Dr. Rubino, my life has been magically transformed. For the first time in 28 years, I actually like myself!"

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